Hey everyone,
I have many posts that begin with "it's been awhile..." or something along those lines. Again it has been awhile. Lets see, the last post I made was in July so it's been about four months since I disappeared from here with no word of why I left. Well that's because I have no real reason as to why I stopped blogging. Well no reason that really makes sense, I just stopped. I really had no idea why I didn't continue to blog until a few weeks ago where I found out exactly why.
Before I tell you why I am going to start at the beginning, or well at least a more defined time that I can pin point. In 2011 I began working at a Tim Hortons in my home town, it was my first job and I was really happy to be making my own money. However this excitement didn't last as I began getting stressed out and upset before I would begin a shift. I lasted 7 months at this job because I would cry, panic, feel sick, and miserable before each shift of work and I could not take it any longer. I took about a 6 month break from working before I began my next job for which I lasted just over a month. Again I would feel stressed and sick before each shift of work and quite soon after starting. I then took another break of about 6 months of not working. My next job I was at for over 1 and a half years and only left because I was going to university in a different city. I loved this job, it wasn't stressful, I mean it had it's days, but it was nothing that I would physically get upset at. through my first year of university I chose not to work and focus on making friends, memories, and of course doing school work. In my second year of university I began a new job in my new city and I was there for about 6 months. Again I was feeling stressed and it was kind of far from where I lived so I decided that enough was enough and I quite. This is the 4th job that I have quite. By 20 years old I had quite 4 jobs and the longest I had lasted at 1 job had only been 1.5 years. Now why is this?
Well this summer, going into my 3rd year of university I began yet another new job. I have been there for 3 months now and I love it. I mean like any job it has it's days of stress but I like and enjoy what I am doing. However, I am getting to that stressed point again which I am trying to overcome. I am trying to overcome this feeling because I now know why I feel this way.
In the beginning of October I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD.) For those of you who don't know this is an anxiety disorder characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry, that is, apprehensive expectation about events or activities. So basically, I worry, and I worry so much so that it effects my life in a negative way. I always thought that I was overreacting and it is both a weight off and on my shoulders, knowing exactly why I am like this. Having GAD can cause things such as fatigue, fidgeting, muscle tenstion, panic attacks, and disinterest ( there is a lot more symptoms but these are just some of mine.) Disinterest is where this blog comes in, and other things that I love that I have put aside. This mental illness, and yes this is a mental illness, has effected me and the things that I love and I am not going to allow that any longer. I am now on medication that is helping me control this, but my mind still races with thoughts that I cannot control, but because I know why these thoughts are going through my head I have a bit of myself back.
So I am going to continue blogging, but with more of a focus on myself and my life. I'm not a beauty blogger and though I like make-up and beauty products I'm not an expert so I'm going to leave that type of stuff the professionals. I love blogging, it gives me a sense of relief and has the power to help me get rid of some stress so though my content may change a bit, I'm going to be here a lot more regularly.
Take care! xxx
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